A couple of weeks ago, in our Life of Paul STEPS class, we were talking about the end of Paul’s life and his confession before King Agrippa.  The discussion led to us talking about a well-known verse in Revelation, chapter 12, verse 11:  ”They overcame him [the accuser of our brothers who accuses them before our God day and night] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”  We talked about what a strong statement a testimony of faith can make.  It helps us to remember the things God did and is doing in our lives as well as lets the accuser of our souls know that we believe that what God did is real.  Proclaiming the testimony of God’s faithfulness in our lives is a powerful tools in overcoming the enemy.

That being said, we were given an assignment to write out our testimony– not necessarily our “getting saved” testimony, but something that God did in our lives that was so unmistakable and unforgettable– something worth telling and proclaiming.  The testimony I immediately thought of what something God did in my life 4 years ago, pretty much exactly.  But none of those years has faded the impact of God’s beautiful faithfulness and is still something He is working in me more and more.  Writing it out encouraged me so much, that I figured I should encourage others with it too!  So, without further ado, here’s (one of) my testimony(ies).  Read of the faithfulness of God and be encouraged… …

            Those of us who have been a part of Life Church for very long know that it has been a rather bumpy ride.  Good.  Just bumpy.  So my testimony begins at the last dramatic church split that we went through—the one where people realized that their leaders were not sinless.  This, for various reasons, shook people to the core.  They were hurt by a number of situations, which escalated to the point where they became totally broken and wounded.  Many people left the church over this. 

            People did have reason to be hurt.  There were things that took place that were not right and wounded people deeply.  But what God showed me (through praying, thinking, and talking A LOT with my wise parents) was that the reason these people freaked out so much was because without realizing, these people had put so much hope and trust into these leaders, that when their weaknesses were exposed, those who were trusting in the leaders of the church had nowhere else to look.  Their source of support and hope was gone.  I saw people’s foundations crumble beneath them, and the brokenness that many people experienced was too much for them to bear. 

            It was in that time that I made a vow.  I would not put my hope in men.  I would not base my life off every word they said and think of them as my rock.  I saw how much that hurt other people, and I wasn’t going to let it happen to me.

            So there it was.  I went on living my life and felt good about the decision I had made.  It was a good decision, I thought. … …

            But toward the end of my freshman year in college (spring of 2007), God started to move in our church in ways we hadn’t really seen in a while.  He started speaking to the young people, and the prophetic aspect of our church began to come alive again.  While this was exciting, I still had doubts.  I had seen things like this happen so many times with nothing really coming out of it.  As much as I wanted to believe that God really was moving, and as much as I knew that He could move, I had a hard time believing it was really true.  I struggled with this for quite some time, crying out, “Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief!”  This was a good prayer.  It was a prayer that Jesus saw faith in when the father of a demon-possessed son cried those same words.  I didn’t know how God was working, but each time I said those words, He softened my heart so that I would be better able to hear what He would tell me next.

            One Wednesday evening at a prayer meeting, God was doing some intense things in several people.  He had been working strongly in that season of the church, and it was always exciting to come to prayer meetings to see what He would do next.  I don’t remember what we were praying about or what song was playing.  I don’t remember who was there or who was leading the meeting.  All I know is that God came to me.

            I was on the north side of the auditorium, between two rows of chairs, on my face, sobbing and crying before the Lord.  I could feel Him working in my heart, even though I didn’t really know what He was doing.  But the feeling was unmistakable.  He was shifting things, taking things out, putting things in, and changing me.  As I surrendered and let myself cry before Him, I heard these words in my spirit:  “We put no confidence in the flesh.”  I knew this was from Philippians, and I knew immediately what God was referring to when He brought this verse to my mind.  

            “But Lord,” I started to argue.  “I haven’t.  You know that.  I decided I wasn’t going to put confidence in people…” No sooner had I said those words to my Jesus, than the Lord showed me that although I had not put confidence in other men, in my effort to protect myself from getting hurt, I ended up putting my hope in myself.  I was trusting me to keep me safe, rather than entrusting my heart to the One who will never let me be put to shame. 

             It was so gentle, so loving.  He wasn’t rebuking me—only showing me where I was hurting myself.  He was inviting me to come and throw my life on Him, completely trust Him, and put all my confidence and hope in His unfailing grace.  He is the one who will never drop me, never let me down, never break my heart.  He is the only one worth putting my hope in.

            So, in that moment, I repented before the Lord.  I cried out to Him to forgive me and to help me put my confidence in Him and to never take my life back out of His hands.  I wrote a song out of that moment, and it is still as alive and real to me as it was then.  Trusting in Jesus is not a one-time decision.  It is a lifelong surrendering of my will, my desires, my anxious thoughts, and allowing Him to work His grace in my life. 

            After that moment with Jesus between the chairs on the old blue carpet at church, I noticed something.  I was suddenly starting to believe Jesus.  I had this sense that what He said and what He promised was true.  He would perform it!  And He does!  All I had to do was believe and put all my confidence and hope in Him—the only faithful God. 

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